Hello! There's Westron remember?
by Blume
Summary: Westron, the last defense between the Evilness of our world and Middle Earth. Thank Eru for Westron. With love to all those pooor coughnotcough fangirls who landed in Middle Earth ;P
1. Thank Elbereth it was a wooden ceiling!

I think you know where I've been, isn't it? Yeap, saw the movies, read the books, and then I decided o try some fanficiton of the Lord of The Rings; I found great fanfics, but I also found something that keep repeating over and over, and hell, **even I** can understand Tolkien said they had a language of their own!

/English/

'Sindarin or Quenya'

"Westron"

Thoughts 

**Hello~o! there's Westron remember!?**

**a.k.a. what would really happen if someone landed on middle earth**

Elrond was utterly confused. His day had started quite nice though, well as nice as it was possible this times. He tended to the poor little guy –Frodo, isn't' it? – had a nice breakfast, went to the tailors for some measurements for his new wardrobe, and lately, walked along with his beloved Arwen, who had recently arrived from Lothlorien.

But this was the thing he lest expected.

Actually the thing he least expected was for Sauron to yield and claim his love for daisies; his second least expected thing was for Galadriel to give away her ring and dye her hair red; Thranduil giving all his treasures to the poor was…well… that wasn't even in the list.

Neither this.

And here we should add people tend to write tons of small phrases and believe they are paragraphs.

Odd.

It all happened when he was walking with Erestor, both were discussing the recent events and were trying to discuss how to solve them, when a thunderous sound was heard. It may have sound like a simple thunder for most of us, but they were elves, and with their hipper sensitive ears, both were yelping in the ground in seconds. 

It wasn't a very wise move when the roof shattered and pieces of it came crushing them, I bet Elrond  praised himself for choosing wood for his realm instead of stone as the King of Mirkwood had… _hahaha…I cant' wait to see that thing collapsing with the dude inside!_ Thought Elrond while the shock was still sinking.

'Elbereth!' Elrond heard Erestor cried, and instantly leapt to his feet. 

/shit!/ 

*groan*

/man…this sure hurts…/

/I'll never drink I promise… no. not really… I think I saw a bottle next room…/ two figures laid sprawled over the pieces of roof, two were currently groaning and talking in an intelligible language, not even Elrond could understand what were they saying. Erestor made a choking nose when he eyed one of the creatures carefully and both beings, aware that somebody else was in the room stood, if a little too clumsy.

Elrond tried to address the two…the two…what were they!?

Elrond is not stupid, he could define a male form a female, but this two didn't look like all the females he had met.

One of them was wearing pants, they looked sort of rough and reminded Elrond of some raspy clothes Aragorn liked to wear, the chest was covered by a shirt with small sleeves that barely covered her shoulders! she had some weird boots and her hair was tied together behind her head. She wasn't very tall, a bit taller than a dwarf, if not the same, and she was currently blinking at him and if he was something out of this planet.

If the first girl was odd enough, Elrond had to hold back a shriek when he saw the other one! Her legs were bare! You could see her legs from the place where to boots ended to…*gasp* almost the top of the thigh! That thing she was wearying couldn't be called a  legging!

_At least she's wearing something on top_….thought Elrond… this time the shirt's sleeves were covering to the elbow and the hair was somewhat loosened, but it was short… almost as short as human males…

/You know… had I have know drinking while watching the LotR caused this, I'd have done it sooner…/ said the taller.

/wonder if it works with Pirates of the Caribbean too…/

/or 'finding nemo'…/

/true…/

/hello Elrond!/

Elrond could only understand his name and had no idea why these … _ok, ok, let's call them ladies, shall we Elrond_?— he said to himself—  …two ladies knew his name.

Lucky Erestor came out of his shock and promptly took off his cloak and gave it to the girl with the naked legs to cover herself.

/cool! Just like Hawaii!/ she said.

/I want one too! I want one too! Hey! El-boy! What about mine?/  said the smaller one. The smaller one was looking at him expectantly, and he couldn't utter diplomatic words, "Who… who are you?" asked Elrond in westron thinking they may not understand elfic.

/What did he said?/

/er…welcome to middle earth?/

TBC *shudders*


	2. Mystake no1: lack of information

Wow! I never thought someone will read this? O_O; this only proves insanity is contagious…  to the anonimosu review, c´mon tell me your name! I don't' bite! …yet. ¬__¬ besides I deliberately didn't correct this; it's a classical-girls-meet-the-fellowship fic after all! ^__~

And thanks Celtic Bard! Thanks for reading! Yeap… this is insanity and insanity… mostly the consecuance of my search for good OC and sugar…oh… and a can of tuna (do not ask).

Here's another explanation, imagining  Physics are twisted and Einstein was a rat ass, the only way two girls could stand in front of fictional character and still act natural would be if said girls were in shock or drunk…or drugged… or they were insane…mmmmhh…

/English/

'Sindarin or Quenya'

"Westron"

Thoughts 

**Hello~o! there's Westron remember!?**

**a.k.a. what would really happen if someone landed on middle earth**

_So this proves all those theories about middle earth._

_Elves are hot! ¬___¬_

Under normal circumstances she had made more reasonable thoughts, but then again she have always a tendency for being a little Mary Sue-esque, so we can imagine she wasn't that smart anyway…aLl she could think of was to tackle Elrond and… do stuff…._Erestor wasn't bad too. He had given me his robe!_

…mmmhh it smells nice…

She was too engrossed in her thought when she heard the elves speaking. ' but… do not…westron?'

Mmmhh… maybe I should have studied harder… 

Both girls had tried to learn Sindarin, since they were too engrossed in the Tolkien universe, but they were too lazy and never put much mind into doing it. The consequence were obvious, now they'd have to improvise.

'er…. Elrond?' she said.

Elrond turned around to look at her, _oh poor boy… must be scared…_ she thought, _or maybe he's just angry we broke his ceiling…?_

'Yes… how … you?…' he asked trying to get her names.

'what?' she asked.

'eh?' he said.

_Smart conversation elf boy…_ her mind said, taking a big breath she tried to calm herself. Tried. /I thought you spoke English! What happened to al those fanfics then?/ she cried, then she hugged herself and the elves stepped back while her shoulders moved up and down, seeing a female yelling was— now that they thought about it, they have never see a female yelling at least not at them…

So now the elves where staring at them oddly while the two girls were staring at them with, deception?

/This sucks…/ the tall girl muttered.

/Nobody said life was fair/ said her friend, /they didn't give a robe to me…/ ¬¬;

Erestor spoke again addressing them. 'My ladies, you have apparently landed over the house of Lord Elrond, would you mind to at least give us your names?'

Two identical blinks answered him.

The smaller girl said something he couldn't understand, it was a strange language, not guttural but with an strong accent. It didn't' sound like something humans spoke in any place of middle earth.

Maybe in Bree.

"do you speak elvish?"

more blinks.

"Westron?"

Not even a glimpse was given now.

_'Great'_, thought Erestor, '_and I thought missing breakfast was the worst of my day…_' 

using this as his last idea, he pointed at himself and said aloud, "Elrestor" then he pointed to Elrond and said "Lord Elrond"

_/uuuh… Tarzan flashbacks…!/ _it was obvious they were trying to asked for their names, _but that have been so damn funny!_

Erestor repeated the action three or four times, until Elrond's laugh became too hard to ignore.

/hey, I think he wants our names…/ 

/don't give them to him, he's gonna bewitch us/ said her friend.

O.o; /we are talking about Elrond!/

/so what?! I dot' trust someone who wears robes all day!/

/true… so what should we told him?/

/ mmmhh… how about… Jack Sparrow?/ said the tall one.

/that's not a female name/

/so what? I can be called that if I want!/

/fine! be that way. Then I'll be… Tzigannë/

/what the hell does that mean?/

/er… forgot it now…/ 

'Jack' then, turned to Elrond once again, emulating Erestor's movements, /Captain Jack Sparrow/ she said pointing at herself, her friend crackled insanely.

/and this one/ she said pointing at her friend /Tzigannë/  

to summarize a very confusing situation, they continued pointing at each other saying their names, except Elrond, he was happy seeing his chief counselor acting like a madman.

There were a lot of words, some Sindarin, some Quenya, and a lot of English, and twenty minutes alter they were all trying to figure out what have happened. To everyone's luck, Gandalf came out of his watching-Frodo duty and sort of solved the situation.

/Oloruin!/ cried 'Jack' when she spotted the wizard because, well, she just wanted to call him like that, and with teenager-like speed she jumped into his arms, /please save me! The bad elves are trying to take me awaaa~ay!/ Tzigannë too jumped and hugged Gandalf as thigh as she could, Gandalf sported an amusing smile but made no move to restrain the girls, and instead looked at Elrond and Erestor, apparently they were about to loose their patience with the ladies.

"may I inquire, Lord Elrond, why is there a hole in your ceiling?"

"That is what I am trying to find out" he said, walking to his study after giving some instructions to Erestor to have the roof repaired. Gandalf followed Elrond and the girls were still hugging him, the wizard detected a faint smell, closely related to…ale?

/Man…I'm grateful you're here, we will be stumbling around without you/ said Tzigannë, who had to lean a little too much on Gandalf, it was so hard to walk when you're drunk. 

/yeap… besides, your cloak is warm and soft…may I call you grandpa? ^^;/ added Jack, who's main problem when she drank was to restrain herself from running around. Once she felt like running from the bar she was in to her dorm, it is a miracle she wasn't run over by a car…

As soon as they closed the door of the study, Elrond motioned to the seats but the girls refused, or didn't get it, you choose.

/Ok, I have many questions, so what about we should start from the fist one?/ Jack asked Elrond. /can you do that thing with the eyebrows for me?/

Elrond raised his brows in confusion, trying to understand at least a little of what she was saying, but this language sounded like anything he had ever heard in his long years.

/You did it!/ cried the girl and bounced all over the place. Elrond moved aside to avoid her, she was starting to scare him.

/Forget this nonsense!/ cried 'Tzigannë' /Tell us! Where's the hot ranger!?/ she started looking around and checking from outside the windows for him; being drunk, she even looked between the bookshelves.

'I am starting to feel a bit scared' said Elrond, because Jack was still running around, and Tzigannë was opening every book in search of Aragorn.

'oh, no scared please' said Jack who had understood some words. 'we not harm' she said and motioned with her hand to herself and her friend.

'If you are not my lady, then would you care to explain how come you landed broke my ceiling and landed over me?' Jack stood dumfounded, speaking with natives was always so hard. 

Gandalf notice this and resumed the speech. 'Who are you ladies?'

_'I have the feeling this is going to take longer than what I thought…_' Elrond resigned himself to this ill fated day and let collapsed on a chair. Screw all that elven grace, he just wanted this evening to end!

'Oh!' said Jack grinning, 'Jack Sparrow' she pointed her hand to herself and then pointed it to her friend, 'Tzi…er…' /what was the name?/ she asked.

/Tzigannë!/

_oh…that, _'and we…er… ' how do you tell people you landed here after drinking to much in another dimension!? Tzigannë— hell lets' call her Tzi, it's easier— came to aid her friend now. 'We came form… up!' she said pointing to the ceiling. Jack considered the answer, yeap, it was the easiest thing to say, and that wouldn't freak them out.

How naïve…

One thing you should remember when you get stuck in situations like this, is that males don't have the same brain logic as you, so when you tell them you came form a distant place, their over reactive brain start thinking about distant galaxies and strange planets, when in fact you are just a continent away. And in this case, even elves have proved to have that weird logic mind.

"up?" asked Elrond in westron having learned the ladies didn't' know how to speak it, Gandalf, now stood serious eyeing the two girls carefully. Surely they don't' mean… 

"You don't' think the Valar…" trailed Elrond looking at the girls too. Tzi was back to glimpse into the books and Jack, stamina lowered, was now happy to gaze around Rivendell's architecture.  

"Those are dangerous times," said Gandalf, "and for long time I've realized we wont' be strong enough to defeat the evil as we are now. Maybe someone else had been sent to help us succeed." He said.

"So they are…" Elrond said again and Gandalf nodded. "Maiar"

TBC (o_O;)


	3. Why guests shouldn't be left alone

Thanks t my fellow readers/writers! Making you laugh because eof the absurdity makes my day! And to Writter form Rivendell: wow! A writer from Imladris! =D is it really that beautiful as the stories said? Yeap… thanks for the review, the second one didn't showed right I guess… oh well, it's the thought that counts! ^_~

/English/

'Sindarin or Quenya'

"Westron"

Thoughts 

**Hello~o! there's Westron remember!?**

**a.k.a. what would really happen if someone landed on middle earth**

It all made sense to Elrond now. they had just come form Valinor, so it was obvious they did not know the language of men, nor dress manners, which explained the weird clothes they were wearing. Even their drunken like state was explained. They were just confused about this world. Not drunk as he had thought first. Just confused.

Gandalf was also thinking the same, the first time he stepped into middle earth everything was confusing, but he couldn't' remember he smelled like a drunk back then…

'My Ladies' said Elrond, 'I apologize for my rudeness, please, feel comfortable in the Last Homely House in the East side of the Sea' he said solemnly to the ladies.

'mmmhh…'  Jack stood there staring at Elrond's bowed figure and smiled; many things came to mind, but none were convenient…for now.

/Look! Feanor!/ cried Tzi, who had stumbled into a book of the story of the Silmarils. (the Simarillion maybe?) and Jack hurried to see the book too. /awww… poor Maedros, he was so hot, why does this kind of things happen to hot people?/

/talking about hot people/ said Tzi, closing the book with a 'snap' sound and coming directly at Elrond /We need to see Elessar/

'What?'

/Where's Estel!/ cried Tzi /we must see Estel!/

five minutes ago this comment would have freaked him, but since now he knew they were Maiar, it was obvious they had a mission involving Aragorn.

'He is not here at the moment my ladies' he said bowing to them 'Estel is currently across the wilderness and will not arrive until a few days more' Tzi understood 'not here' and that was enough. /Is Frodo here?/ she asked then.

_Well that one I did understood_. Thought Elrond. And he motioned for them to follow him.

_But how did they know? _thought Gandalf, not even he could foresee like that. To him it was clearer they were indeed Maiar, just like him.

/Elijah!/ cried Tzi when she saw the little hobbit. So far, Elrond looked like Hugo weaving, but (no offense to Hugo) perhaps hotter, and Gandalf looked like Sir Ian, a little; but Frodo, he was just like Elijah!

They even had the same high… ¬___¬

Poor lad, he was pale and mumbling incoherence in his sleep. _Didn't he recover once he arrive to Rivendell? _Thought Tzigannë, but then she remembered the books and the part where Frodo still had a little blister inside.

/wait, didn't he have another little piece inside?/ asked Tzi to no one in particular, but the only one who could understand her was humming while arranging the curtains.

/er… mister Elrond sir,/ sadi Tzigannë, /the little hobbit has another blister…/ but she shut up when she noticed Lord Elrond had no idea of her words. Sighing, she tried again, 'halfling, poisoned'

'yeah, I know that my lady, but worry not, he is under no danger anymore' said Elrond, not making any move to check on Frodo, which indicated Tzigannë he didn't get it…

'Frodo, blister, wound, dying' _damn this blasted language!_

"I think she said there's still one little blister in the wound" helped Gandalf. Elrond pondered this, that will explain why he haven't recovered as good as they expected. He moved to check on Frodo's wound and proceeded to examine it. Meanwhile Jack and Tzigannë got bored and started walking around aimlessly. Jack randomly poking one thing or the other, just o check it was real.

Tzigannë on the other side had decided to check on some other elves. Hey! This was Imladris! Elves were suppose to live here, right? So reminding herself of that, she made her way al over the place. Jack tailing behind her.

By the time Elrond had finished with the wound and Frodo was thankfully out of danger, evening had already welcomed Rivendell with a soft golden glow. He was about to address the two ladies when he noticed they weren't there.

"Gandalf" he said, "where are Lady Tzigannë and Lady Jack?" Gandalf was happily smoking his pipe, much to the annoyance of the lord of Rivendell, "I believe they have gone to admire the beauty of your house my Lord, said Galdalf. 

"you mean they are gone"

"I'm afraid so." He said, while looking at Elrond's mortified face. "but don't worry Elrond, they are just curious about these world, I expect they will be used to all this by the morrow"

"But they are walking around with—with—that clothes! I must stop them!" and with that Elrond gave chase to them.

Tzignnë stumbled across the hallway a couple of times, but apart from that managed to made a pretty good pace in his search of elves, so far she have yet to see other. They probably were having meal together, so as soon as she found one, she'd find the others.

Jack had joined her friend in the search of elves, but she had started walking slower, somehow she felt tired and didn't have enough strength to follow her stamina fulfilled friend. So looking for a place to rest she opened a door randomly.

Elrohir had just come back form his patrol and frankly, ignoring Elladan's smart remarks that he "stink like an orc", he could care less for his soiled clothes or the dirt in his face, he just wanted to lay down on his bed and rest; but when he walked to his chambers, he found the door opened…

Elrond didn't have to search much; soon a cry was heard and he ran to the direction of the sound.

Turning a corner he met and interesting sight. An old tapestry hung oddly from one side, and pieces of ceramic in the floor were the only remnants a vase had ever existed. Walking a few more steps he heard a groan and with a little of thought he knew it came from Elrohir's chambers. Moving as fast as he could while keeping his nature grace, he entered his son's room.

Elrohir had his hands over Lady's Jack leg! And the lady got rid of Erestor's robe and one of her sleeves was lifted!

'Elrohir!' he creid, his son scrambled to his feet and moved a good ten feet away from Lady Jack. 'I thought we agreed to end this kind of behavior centuries ago!'

'we did father!' replied Elrohir, 'I was just tending to her injuries!' he said explaining while the girl had half her body exposed.

'Elrohir,' Elrond began, rubbing his temples, 'lying will take you anywhere; If you were still curious about this subject why didn't you search more about it in the library, or better yet, why didn't you come to me so we could sort out all your questions!?

Gandalf, who had followed Elrond, turned his sight form the shocked and flushed Elrohir to the oblivious Jack and then to the displeased father.

'father!' cried Elrohir. How dare his father accuse him of prying on places he shouldn't!? he haven't done anything wrong! And that one time six hundred years ago when he found his parents together was a mere accident! He should be the one angry at his father! Not the other way! 'I am serious father! This lady has an injury in her leg! I was tending to it!'

Elrodn looked at jack from the corner of his eye. Elbereth! Elrohir was right! she was bleeding! Kneeling in front of the female, he realized her weariness. _Probably blood loss…_ he thought. 

'you could have said that since the beginning rather than just scream!' said Elrond while he mended Jack's injure, 'you will have spared me some words!'

'I did not screamed father…' said Elrohir confused.

_Elladan_. Thought Elrond before running past the door, Gandalf silently joining him.

A few corridors later they found Elladan, supporting himself in the wall and looking horrified at the opened door in front it him. Elrond soon joined his son and he too, was tempted to cry in dismay. 

Lady Tzigannë was there, totally naked inside the bathtub— _thankfully the bubbles covered the necessary— _while she drank— _is that my wine!?_

And Glorfindel was with her.

INSIDE the tub. No more comments please.

Glorfindel felt some cold chill covering the bath chamber, but he paid no attention to it, instead he added more water from a near pitcher and poured over Tzi's head, who giggled, then she began a splashing game and soon Elrond's wine was left forgotten to drown inside the bathtub.

/oh..hello Lord Elrond!/ said Tzigannë waving her hand.

_So that explains the cold chill…_ thought Glorfindel when he felt his own blood draining from his face. Indeed, Elrond stood in the entrance door, his face so calm it was obvious he was on the edge of loosing his cool.

'she said it was fine'

'SHE' said a little too strenuous Elrond. 'does not understand our language.'

Glorfindel turned to look at the girl. 'You do not?'

/What?/ asked young Tzigannë.

TBC (the horror!)


	4. maternal instics and overrated imaginati...

I'm sorry for last chapter's weird words. My logic part took a vacation and the luster and psycho inside of me took over, I promise I will try to pay it back. ^^

/English/

'Sindarin or Quenya'

"Westron"

Thoughts 

**Hello~o! there's Westron remember!?**

**a.k.a. what would really happen if someone landed on middle earth**

A nice sweet little morning, which you might as well call day, if you take the position of the sun into account, Jack opened her sometimes pretty but now red, swollen and tired eyes, and said to herself, _the world can wait another five minutes_.

But nuzzling back to her sheets wasn't as easy as she wanted because soon a young and beautiful woman appeared in her limited line of vision.

'Oh! You're finally awake!' said the woman. 'I started to wonder when will you open your eyes, no matter how many times I see humans, the way they sleep still creeps me out' she said smiling to Jack.

Jack sat in the bed and smiled politely at the woman, but she had no idea what she was talking about.

'do you need anything?' the woman asked, 'can I do something for you?'

Thankfully, Jack's stomach decided to spoke for her. The woman smiled. 'I will get you something to eat. How about that?' Jack smiled and the woman left to retrieve the food.

/Well, that was weird/ mumbled Jack while she left herself fall to her bed again.

Tzigannë's morning was more or less the same. When the first rays of light touched her face she had no choice but to wake up. She winced at the wicked light that threatened to make a remarkable damage to her eyes and tried to shield it with the bedcovers, but a maid came close to her.

'I see you have finally awaken my lady' said the young elf lad—_wait….an elf!?_ Memories of the previous night came to her mind. Her friend asking her to stay at her place because her friend's parents weren't at home. The two of them drinking and eating pizza and all stuff you can get by phone. Watching the Lord of the Rings DVD's. Jumping over the sofa like madmen in a mental institution when Aragorn made his famous appearance in Helm's Deep, and then the sofa cracked and they landed hard. But not on their world, and certainly not over the half emptied boxes of pizza and chow mien.

_At least that's a good notice…_ she though, when she realized the woman was still speaking to her.

'..or I can get you some broth if you want. Of course if you want something more elaborate I can always ask the cookers to make you something, that if you can wait a little longer…'

/er… miss young elf lady?/ she asked.

'I am sorry, what did you said?'

_I feel a headache coming_. Tzigannë thought. /listen young lady/ she began, /can I talk to Lord Elrond?/

Thankfully the maiden understood the name of her Lord and went to fetch him, leaving Tzigannë alone to make an account of the damages.

So far, minor scratches, an uncomfortable pain in the place where her flesh made contact with the floor, nothing really serious thankfully. That only left the question of how did they appeared in that place to begin with. Sure all those fanfics where only joking when they said people appeared out of nowhere, weren't they? I mean you don't walk around an bump into Harry Potter or Bilbo Baggins or Mr. Ripley! That's not natural! It's fiction! It's against logic and physics laws and-

_Ok, Ok..._ she thought, Focus. _See the facts coldly. Number one: This is middle Earth. Number two: you do not know the Language. _

_Life doesn't seem so encouraging now..._

Renior was making her way through the hallways of Imladris, a tray of food in her hands. That girl surely needed to get some food, She thought, after loosing so much blood...but how did she get injured?

Lord Elrond have explained to the staff those two were important guest in the Homely House but have said nothing more about the subject. Maybe I could ask her after she finish her meal.

But when she entered she found the girl, because it was obvious she wasn't a full grown woman yet, sleeping peacefully in the bed.

Smiling, she left the tray over the bed stand, so the young human could find it when she awoke, and left.

Leaving her bed, she realized she was wearing a gown... fun, she haven't wear a gown since she was five... but where were here clothes? Not that they will work that much she remembered her jeans had now a big hole in the left knee...hell, they probably were still in the bath chamber floor... 

_Most avoid evil thoughts!_

Walking to what seemed to be a dresser she opened it to find. Surprise.

Dresses.

Red dresses, golden dresses, white dresses. All of them long sleeved and reaching well past her toe fingers.

_Crap_. She thought. _Hell, you wanted to be a princess when you were six right? Consider this as a Freudian retribution from the fates..._

Sighing, she took hold of a red with maroon dress, not the best option, but she had the feeling something bad was gonna happen, and she rather spoil an ugly dress than a beautiful and expensive one...

That done, she made sure the maid was not around before she made her way (and thankfully the floors were made of warm wood, because she didn't have her shoes either) in search of her friend, 'Jack'. She must have been really drunk to say that... and hey! She missed the bath time... ^___^!

She knew she couldn't walk around opening door after door... or maybe she could_... no, no, must think healthy thoughts!_ she sat in a bench by a nice balcony, knowing sooner or rater a loud groan, maybe some English cursing and probably some "leave me alone!" or "let go of my arm!" in Elvish will be heard followed by a "in your dreams babe!" and "it this really silk!?" in English.

But if she was waiting for that she was quite wrong, because it took Jack almost another hour to wake up, and when she did, the smell of food, which have amazingly stayed warm, stopped her from any other coherent thought. 

Another hour and she finally finished the food tray, just minutes before Renoir entered the chamber and found her awake.

They sort of talked for a while, though it was more like Renoir asking something and Jack smiling at her; twenty minutes later Renoir asked what she should have asked since the beginning, 'you do not speak Elvish, do you?'

Jack smiled at her.

'Do you speak at all?' she asked, motioning with her hands "Westron?" 'Quenya?' "nothing?"

Jack shook her head (and smiled).

_Oh poor dear... must be a refugee with trauma... _

If there's something against female elves is their infinite kindness. They see an injured animal an instantly they want to keep them as their own. This is probably the main reason female elves do not join hunting parties nor battle in the woods, but then again we may never know.

Almost two hours have passed, and yet nothing. No explosions. No yelling. No cursing. _Was Jack dead? I mean, she couldn't have drink THAT much?_ The sun was already on the top of the sky! Not even Jack could be asleep by now!

Standing she made her way to a crowded part of the building, she suspected she had been in the private chambers or something because she was yet to see an elf today.

And the first elf she happened to see was Glorfindel.

Glorfindel tried to walk away before she...

/hello Glorfindel!/

Too late.

Once Gandalf called for some maidens to take the naked girl away, Elrond instructed Glorfindel in a cold voice to dress and follow him. Glorfindel obliged, because in truth he wasn't that ashamed for what he have done. She was the one who entered into his bath after all!

But once he entered Elrond's study the hole tirade started. Glorfindel could swear if he wasn't immortal, he would have died from fright back then.

_"Remember Glorfindel, you were lucky now, but she's bound to realize of your barbarian and dishonorable attitude, and then you will have to face the wrath of a Maia."_

It wasn't the words, but the way Elrond had managed to stress them so they keep echoing in his mind what frightening him... and what if she remembered?

The young Lady, Tzigannë isn't it? Stopped in front of him and eyed him with a piercing stare Glorfindel didn't know, nor wanted to find out what it meant. Indeed, she remembers.

That settles it, say goodbye to life Glorfindel...

_Thank God for my good memory_! Thought Tzi when she stopped in front of Glorfindel, who would have thought!? Glorfindel really was like all those fanfics told! Mmmmhh... _this is not the time for that!_ She chastised herself again. And smiled at Glorfindel, who somehow looked ready to sprint. Odd, very odd.

/Say sweetie/ she started, /have you seen my friend, Jack? have you seen her?/

Glorfindel first thought was _run, those weird words must be a curse_; the second thought was more like _running is useless, she a Maia, boy_; and his most conscious part told him_..._

'Jack?' asked Glorfindel, not sure what a 'Jack' was, but Lady Tzigannë seemed to know because she nodded.

Er... 'shall I take you to Lord Elrond? Or do you want to talk to Gandalf?' the Lady answered the name of the Istari so he motioned her to follow him. But they never made it to the wizard, when they were crossing a garden Tzi caught gaze of her friend, joined by an elven maiden sitting in the grass with a collection of things beside them.

Tzi let go of Glorfindel's arm (yeap, she had attached to it), who sighed in relief, and walked to her friend. /Al—Jack!/ where have you been al the time!?/

To her surprise/dismay, her friend only smiled to her and showed her an item, 'apple!'

Tzigannë sweat dropped. Trust Jack to learn elvish when they are more important things to do…like stalk elves…

/yeah...I know it's an apple—/

'What's going on?' apparently Glorfindel had nothing else to do, or the curiosity was too much, because he came to kneel beside the Ladies.

'Golden hair!' cried Jack.

Tzigannë didn't bother to reply, she just grabbed the apple, munched on it and sat beside Jack's other side.

'I am teaching her Sindarin' said Renoir proudly. Glorfindel sighted. _Trust the maidens to start taking all kinds of creatures under their wings when there are more pressing matters..._

'So I see' replied Glorfindel, 'But I do not think she's the right person you should be practicing your teaching skills with

'why not?' she said, 'after all they have no way to communicate with us, and who knows how are they going to get back to their world. Did you know they just fell over Lord Elrond, Lord Glorfindel?'

'I head something' _it was useless_, thought Glorfindel, Renoir will never understand they did not 'just fell over Lord Elrond' but who was he to talk about heavenly matters with a maid?

'Until out next meeting Lord Glorfindel!' cried Jack after Glorfindel bided them goodbye.

'good! You've memorized the farewell phrases!' said Renoir excitedly, 'Now, let us move to our next subject: conversational phrases'

TBC (Dear Lord, No!)


	5. The shock of reality and the irony of it

**Luthien**** Tinuviel8: I also think if funny! (What would I be writing it if not?) But I don't think my two OC find it funny! :P **

I would like to write Old English as Westron but I'm not that smart *snif, snif* and I have the weird feeling Rohirrim spoke some twisted form of old English, so Westrom must have been something else... some weird combination of old Germanic, Saxon, and Catalan, but that's just me ;

**Tarock**: that's exactly what I'm trying not to do. You have magic powers? No. I have magic powers? No. Then how come all those girls who appear out of nowhere have magic powers!?

**Ushmushmeifa**: Yeap. I mean, Jackie. Jakcie is a nice AND a female name! Why do they prefer Jack? Do they have some kind of fetish? And if it's not Jack, they are called "Luthien" (horror!) or Candy, or Miriam, or any other stupid name that sounds remotely like a name!.

Talking about name, what does your pen name mean? It's cool! And hard to pronounce if it's late in the night! ^_~

(By the Way.  "Tzigannë" is the name for "The Evil" in some weird country east of Europe...sorry I forgot...I can ask my friend if you want. She's the one who brought it to me! ^^;)

**A random person**: will it be too much ask for the URL? You're trying to talk to a dumb person here ^^;

**Writer From Rivendell**: you know, somehow people forgot to read the appendixes, I'm sure of that, if note how come they forgot Westron? Sorry...

**Sabina M. Paveling**: way to go girl! ;P

**ElveNDestiNy**: thanks... I got some weird quotes if you want them too: "_Que Dios quiera que conozcas mucha gente equivocada, antes de que conoscas a la persona adecuada, para que cuando al fin la conoscas, sepas estar agradecido._"

**(someone)**: yeah, I know... sadly, my relationship with my beta is now.. er... inexistent. Who knows what happened to her -_-; but since I asked her to be my beta almost four years ago...I guess she learned to move on... oh well... let's suppose we are making research on bad spelling and the deterioration of languages, savvy?

I just want to point out something, in ROTK even Eldarion appears in the movie and still no Glorfindel or twins, not even miscellaneous rangers! What happened there!?

/English/

'Sindarin or Quenya'

"Westron"

Thoughts

**Hello~o! There's Westron remember!?**

**A.k.a. what would really happen if someone landed on middle earth?**

The ride had been hard, being a while since one of the people in his realm has traveled this road, it had proven to be a dangerous path. But his Lord was wise, and he would have not send him if there were doubts about his success, and so, straightening himself, Legolas made his way into the Last Homely house.

Tziganne had to acknowledge her friend had a very good memory. Ok she'd always have, but it was until now that it proved to be of some use.

'Forgive me my Lord, for I do not understand well this language of yours' said Jack, bowing (albeit a little ungracefully if you consider they were among elves) which made Renoir applause in satisfaction. 'That's great! Said the maid, 'you are a great student!'

The day proved to be quite fun for a while, they kept studying some Sindarin words and later they had a nice Rivendell meal (meaning spring water, lots of fruits and some broth but nothing else) and then they started with some basic Quenya when one of the maids of the house walked to the garden, her hands full with clothes, towels and bed linings.

'Renoir, would you please come help me prepare the east chamber?' she asked.

'The east chamber? Who is coming?'

'Prince Legolas of Mirkwood, he should be here in a few hours and I still have to change the curtains!'

Jack understood only the necessary: Legolas. So he was here! Cool! 

She jumped from her seat, squeaked a little (but enough to make the two maidens and even Tziganne cringe) and dashed to the entrance door of the citadel, where Lord Elrond, Erestor and Glorfindel were already expecting the entrance of the Mirkwood elf.  Jack made her way to stand close to Lord Elrond, because that will mean Legolas would have to greet Lord Elrond and then Legolas would have to greet HER if he wanted to greet Glorfindel, who did not object at all for Jack antics, in fact he seemed more than willing to fulfill her wishes.

But what she saw made enough shock in her head to wake her up.

Legolas, jumped down from his horse, and stood in front of Lord Elrond gracefully, he greeted him in the proper manner of elves and waited for Elrond to welcome him in his house. 

'A Star shines in the hours of our meeting; you are welcome in my house prince Legolas Thranduilion'

He is Legolas!? Thought Jack, b-but...but...!

Jack, making full advantage no one in this house dared to deny her anything (God knows why) she grabbed Legolas by his shoulders and pulled the hair closer to her so she could examine it. Tziganne and Renoir arrived in that moment to watch the weird scene, Legolas, too scared, shocked and somehow amused for this, did not stop her.

/but--but--your hair is brown! / Tziganne began worrying for her friend, Jack paled the moment she saw Legolas and now her breathing was becoming erratic...

In a moment of inspiration Jack used the words she had heard her maid friend use every time she hugged her, 'Ai, Greenleaf! The powers have been cruel to you my child, for the fate they have laid upon you is away from home! Will you see the road to the land of your ancestors again?'

Legolas slipped away from her grasp, that last information was a little TOO unnerving, even Elrond and Erestor were starting to whisper about the meaning, and Glorfindel decided he needed to do something away from the two ladies. Renoir just smiled amusingly at Jack and shook her head, but Jack didn't notice it, she was too engrossed in what information his just-getting-out-of-the-drunken-state brain was giving her. No, there was no way her brain alone could have phantom all those by itself. That could only mean two things: either the beer wasn't just beer, or all of this was real.

/Oh My God.../ Jack ran away until she found a mirror large enough so she could see what she was wearing.

A dress.

Legolas ducked around when he heard the piercing shriek, centuries of battling the beast of Mirkwood had taught him to define one spider scream when he heard one, and this was no exception; all the elves gathered, even Lord Elrond, have crouched to the ground with their hands protecting their ears. His dad was right, Noldor elves; you could not trust them in times of crisis...

The only other who didn't kneel to the floor in agony was the young human lady, who walked past, mouthed something which sounded like /give me a sec, could you?/ but that Legolas did not understand at all and disappeared into a corridor, instantly the sound quieted.

Legolas was going to follow her; maybe the spider had trapped her! But somehow his senses told him to step away from those females.

Tziganne dragged Jack away from the pained elves, while covering her friend's mouth. Once she entered the room appointed to her she made Jack turn around, the hand still over Jack's mouth. /ok, I will let go now, but promise me you will not scream/

Jack nodded. Tzi was going to lower the hand when she had a second thought.

/nor shriek, nor cry, nor yelp, nor shout, ok?/ she lowered the hand and Jack have a hard time trying to stop herself from doing anything she had promised, at last she said /oh my god, Oh My God! Where really are in Middle Earth! Wereallyareinmiddleearth! Whithelvesandsexymenaround!/

Tziganne slapped her friend in the cheek hard. That brought her back to reality. /ok, I'm better now...no I'm not! What kind of world is this!? Legolas has brown hair! Brown! /

While Jack continued her nervous breakdown, Tziganne considered on the multiple possibilities to shut her up. The flower vase, it doesn't look that expensive. Oh but it is beautiful, maybe the chair, though it will be a shame to damage the wood...

Having no other option, she grabbed her friend's arm and shook her /Ellen Magdalene! This is not the time for this!/ Jack composed herself and glared at the shorter human. /I hate when you say my name/

/Blame you parent's babe, not me/ said Tzi, now that Jack was again in her full senses it was time to discuss serious matters. /Last thing I remember is that we were jumping in the couch, and then we landed over Elrond breaking his ceiling/

/That's nice. How come I don't remember that? /

/Who drank the first gallon of beer by herself I wonder? / said Tziganne quite sarcastically.

Her friend didn't' get it. /The cat?/ 

/Pussy died four months ago, remember 'Jack'?/ Tziganne accentuated the last word that made her friend grimace. /Did I really address myself as Jack Sparrow?/

/You did, and you also hugged Gandalf/

/Cool! /

/Yeah, yeah... now, how can we go back? /

/Go back? Are you crazy!? We are in middle earth! /

/I thought you didn't want to see the brown haired Legolas? /

Jack started whimpering. /He had golden locks…. /

/O.k. stop all this about the brown haired Leggy/

/…hairs the color of the wheat during the summer…/

/well that's enough-/

/…like golden rays of light-/

SLAP!

Jack rubbed the red spot in her cheek. /you're recurring to physical violence in a frequency that worries me…/

/Hello! Middle Earth! A place that shouldn't exist at all! We MUST go back home! /

/But why!?/

/I have a life you know.../

/No you don't, I know you! You will just go back to write fanfiction about being here! So now that we are here we can do everything we always wanted! Yay! Wine for everyone!/

Tziganne sighted maybe Jack was still under the effects of alcohol after all...

Jack, sensing her friend wasn't that happy with her answer, reasoned, /look, we don't even know how did we ended up here/

/We should at least try/ said Tzi with her big hobbit-like eyes who were impossible to ignore (for someone who have no connection to hobbits at all, she really looked like a hobbit...) Jack groaned, /Ok, if that makes you happy, we can go to the libr--/ before she knew she was being dragged into the hallway.

/Why de sudden desire to go home, 'Tziganne'? Is there something good on TV tonight?/

The hours were growing late, and if Jack or Tziganne would have looked at the sun, (and if they have known how to state the hour by looking at it) they would have realized it was almost seven at night, but Tzi was more worried on finding out how did they appeared into this place.

Since they had no actual knowledge with the language, reading the old scripts in Elrond's study was becoming more discouraging every second. Jack was hoping to find a book with illustrations and she was not really sure what she was looking for, but she did it for her friend anyway.

Tziganne, on the other hand was restless. She began pacing the room from one place to the other, which only made Jack crankier.

/If you are so restless why don't you go out and take fresh air?/

/Wow, restless, that's a big word for you--/

/Just go/ Jack warned her.

/You know, maybe if you look at it on the sunshine Legolas' hair will look dark golde-/

/GO!/

And so Tziganne began her pacing somewhere else. And this is what happened next: she died, she went to heaven and then came back to show off. 

It all happened quite fast, Tziganne began walking around with that strange diplomacy immunity Lord Elrond had greeted them with, when she collided with someone. She wasn't walking that fast, but the impact made both of them fall.

Thankfully (?) she didn't hurt herself with the fall because she landed over the chest of the person, who grunted in pain. Tziganne lifted her face enough to notice who it was.

It was Aragorn.

Apparently, the hobbits were happily trotting behind Aragorn when Pippin tripped and bumped over the ranger, who tripped and ended colliding with Tzi, which lead us to a question: why her?

In fact, Aragorn could have landed over anyone, more than 50 different persons walk those halls everyday and he had to bump into her!? I mean! What sick joke is this!?

Aragorn apologized with the lady, who in turn said something that sounded like an apology too, but in a Language Aragorn have never heard before. The girl said the same words over and over as she passed her hands over Aragorn's chest over and over. Aragorn assumed she was checking if he was not injured. Aragorn tried to sit up and reassure the young lady he was fine, which was a little difficult considering the child was still over his waist. 

"My lady, if you please…" Aragorn took hold of the girl so both could be in a sitting position. The girl, apparently not convinced he haven't' suffered any injury, used her hands to check his arms, legs, abdomen, shoulders, back, face, neck and even prodded in his hair to make sure the skull had no damage. Pippin, who was behind the ranger and who thought he had gotten injured helped the Lady.

Aragorn took hold of the lady's hands and spoke to her with determination, "My Lady, do not despair, nothing has befallen me" seeing her look of disbelief, he added "I'm never been better my Lady"

"Are you sure?" asked Pippin, who was still checking the Strider's back for injuries.

"Yes, I am sure pippin"

"Why did you fall then?" asked Pippin not really believing him.

Because someone tripped on me first… thought Strider, and why is Pippin in a protective mode out of the sudden?

"Yes Pippin, I am quite sure." Said Strider as he helped the Lady stand up. The "Lady" by the way, sensing Aragorn's attention was away form her, began her "I've sprained my ankle, help me, help me!" strategy, which secured the ranger will carry her and take care of her for a good hour the least.

Meanwhile Jack was debating on whether burn Rivendell into ashes or simply throw Tziganne through the balcony over the waterfall. Both ideas sounded tempting in her current state. A terrible headache had appeared and she continued tripping over the trim of the damn dress. To top it all Lord Elrond, not knowing she was in his study, arrived with Legolas behind him. The moment Jack saw Legolas she couldn't suppress a sob and ran out of the room. Legolas was more than unnerved by now, not caring the words Lord Elrond had said to him earlier. "She's just another of my guests, nothing to worry about" yeah right… Now Legolas knew why his brother had refused to take the message to Rivendell…  

Renoir had finished her duties for today when she spotted Lady Jack running towards her. 

'Little one, what ails you?' she asked gently. /he's a brunette!/ cried the human girl, not caring if Renoir understood or not/

'Come with me child, I will take you to have a snack in the kitchens…' said Renoir, dragging the girl who was still sobbing under her arm.

/He doesn't even looks like Orli!/

'…Coiriel made a delicious tart today and some pastries, would you like that?'

/he's still hot but it's NOT the same!/

However, when they entered the kitchen they found chaos inside, the kitchen, normally immaculate, had saucepans, pot and so on scattered around the floor, some chairs were knocked down and the shelves were the recently made food were supposed to be were empty. In the middle of it, two hobbits were running around the table, the kitchen maids running after them.

/wow! I never knew hobbits could outsmart elves in running!/ said Jack amused.

True to her expectations, an hour later Tziganne walked around the garden with her rigth ankle bandaged, and faking a very obvious limp, but with a very wide grin in her face. She still could feel Aragorn's hand in her leg… was that what Jack felt when Elladan—or was it Elrohir?— Healed her? Oh dear…  

Frodo wasn't feeling particularly good. His feet were killing him. He felt nauseated, and his shoulder hurt like Mordor, and on top of that…

"Frodo you are awake!" Pippin lunged at his cousin, happy to see him awake again, but was quickly intercepted by Sam. Seconds later and much to Sam's dismay, Marry lunged at his cousin. "Frodo!"

so a lot of Merry chit chat happened in that room, and surprisingly no one for the big folk happened to listen to their antics. It was a shame because about an hour later they were waiting for Strider or anyone else to enter so they could ask them for food. Bu the time passed and no one noticed Frodo was awake. 

And considering they had finished with all the stuff they stole form Lord Elrond's kitchen, Pippin and Merry made it a mission to go in search for yet more food and get some food for Frodo and Sam, who have left his master's side but few minutes each day.

_A piece of tart, a crushed grape, a broken glass.__ Merry and Pippin were here. Jack, with no other useful occupation, decided to follow the hobbits because, well, some things don't have explanation. She found them running out from a room. _Did they hide the food?_ She wondered. Her evil mind plotting on finding the food and hiding it form the hobbits for a bit of amusement, so she entered the room not bothering to knock._

/Frodo!/ there was no way Sam would try to tackle someone who was a lot bigger than him and Frodo found himself in the middle of to big…*ahem* he found himself in the arms of a young maiden who couldn't stop shouting weird words.

_Dear! I get hugged a lot lately… this must be a special day. Note to self: check the calendar… and get food. Soon._

Half an hour later Jack discovered food-deprived hobbits are not happy creatures.

Frodo had tried to talk to the girl and so did Sam, but here was no case, she spoke a language they could not understand. Sam looked a little troubled; he expected all elves to speak fluent Westron, but after a while he realized only the girl's clothes were elven kind, and she herself was a human (that was discovered by her lack of grace and her round ears).

So Frodo, being the small, currently fragile, but always smart hobbit, sang one of his famous songs; songs that had gotten him in trouble before but that "Kptan Yack Ssparrow" (which was the only thing they understood in her long introducing speech) enjoyed a lot. But Frodo was still hungry and the exertion (however little) drained him off all his energy, to which he began to mourn in his bed without being that obvious.

Sam, who could not be fooled, glared at the girl, who was looking at everything but him, because it was her fault Mr. Frodo was hill again.

That was it for now, I can only say: I'm deeply sorry.

TBC…


	6. Casualities in daily talk

**Tarock**: Oh please! Tell me the theory! Dear… did I really write _Hill_?!?! Man.. .thanks… that is a big mystake! I will change it in a second ok?  Haha! I knew it! My friend often confuses everything! Take that Sam! *Blume makes nasty sings to her friend* ;P Ooow… so you're from Europe? Cool! =D tell me more! is the weather nice there? Do they have elves? ^_~

A/N: I was reading in "defense of slash" by AC, it seems to me a very consistent work, and yeap now that we know the the categories, this is not a Personalization, but rather a horrible, horrible mix of Genre Shifting and Character Dislocation. 

But hey! This have put me into a thoughtful state! Anyone out there would like to see slash here? ^_~

And yes, remembering we all hate Mary Sues I will try to describe other characters's reactions rather than the girls ok? (because I've come to that realization, the least you talk about your own characters, the better)  I just ask all ppl around: let me know when they become too unbearable, ok?

I also went to see ROTK again and came to one conclusion about the ppl of Gondor and the coronation of Aragorn: Dear God, they were desperate!

/English/

'Sindarin or Quenya'

"Westron"

Thoughts 

**Hello~o! there's Westron remember!?**

**a.k.a. what would really happen if someone landed on middle earth**

Casualties in daily talk.

Frodo had tried to talk to the girl and so did Sam, but there was no case, she spoke a language they could not understand. Sam looked a little troubled; he expected all elves to speak fluent Westron; but after a while he realized only the girl's clothes were elven kind, and she was in fact a human (that was discovered by her lack of grace and her round ears). So Frodo, being the small, currently fragile, but always smart hobbit, sang one of his famous songs; songs that had gotten him in trouble before mind you, but that "Kpt'n Yack Ssparrow" (which was the only thing they understood in her long introducing speech) enjoyed a lot. 

But Frodo was still hungry and the exertion (however little) drained him off all his energy, to which he began to mourn in his bed without being that obvious.

The impossible to be fooled Sam, glared at the girl (who was looking at everything but him) because it was her fault Mr. Frodo was ill_ again_. And Mr. Frodo was a great nice person who didn't deserve being treated that way. Sam may not know it, but he will develop a great deal of courage. Starting now.

"Shoo!" he said bravely to the girl of the big folk. Said girl wasn't scared by Sam, on the contrary he found him rather amusing. Sam would have showed more of his courage had it not been by a loud shriek from out of the window. 

"Pippin!"

/Tziganne! /

"My Food!"

The three occupants leave the room (yes, even Frodo) faster than any elf thought possible or any healer should recommend, and reached the center of the garden in no time.

Tziganne lay in the ground trying to rub her head, elbow and ankle at the same time while a rather shaken Pippin was lifted by his cousin.

"I told you to slow down..." patronized Merry. Jack approached her befallen friend.

/Umm... what's up?/

/Ouch/

/I see... What were you up to? /

/Nothing in particular/ replied Tziganne, /I was just walking around/

/And why the bandage? /Asked Jack, pointing to the white cloth in Tzi's ankle.

/Oh, that? I sprained my ankle and Aragorn bandaged it/ Said Tziganne quite proudly. Jack knelt down to inspect the ankle. /*hump* human work. See mine? Mine's real and I don't have to pretend I was randomly limping around the gardens/ she said showing the bandaged thigh Elrohir had tended a night ago; Frodo made a chocking sound (which probably had nothing to do with Jack's exposed flesh since he was swallowing all the food Merry had in his arms) but Pippin stared without remorse. Jack ignored them and continued to interrogate her friend.

/The only reason you don't limp _now_ is 'cause you always limp whenever you go/ replied Tziganne.

/Skip. I skip, not limp/ argued Jack. /Let's get you out of this hobbit tangle anyway/ but when she was doing it Tziganne gasped. /I think I damaged my ankle this time for real/

Aragorn was conversing with Glorfindel when Jack approached them.

"Tziganne, hurt" she said. Aragorn acknowledged her and came to the conclusion this one was one of the unnerving guests Glorfindel told him about. "She's hurt? What happened to her?" asked Glorfindel, who in truth didn't want to spend more than what was necessary with the two girls.

"Ankle" replied Jack.

"Oh, that? It's nothing serious, I banged it already" said Aragorn. "Do not worry for your friend my lady, she's out of danger now" chuckled Aragorn. Jack understood enough to shake her head and said: "Nope. Tziganne. Pippin. Again ankle"

Translating that into a logical thought was not as confusing for Aragorn as many would have thought. Anything with the word _Pippin_ in it meant damage. "Where?" asked the man.

"Garden" said the maiden. Aragorn nodded. "Glorfindel, could you escort this lad-" but Glorfindel was gone.

"Ouch!"

"Sorry" said Aragorn as he lifted Tziganne into his arms. Tziganne was a great actress, Jack confessed; any other in her situation would have drooled by now…

/See? I brought help. Are you happy now? / asked Jack. 

/A lot. How may I pay the favor? /

/Getting oxygen and dying Legolas hair while he sleeps/

/He sleeps? /

/He must, besides, his chamber has a bed, so he should use it some time or the other/

/How do you know his chamber has a bed? /

/I'm finding myself with a lot of free time lately.  Besides I was looking for the hobbits and happened to see him walking out of it/

/Really?…wait. What did you stole? / asked Tziganne knowing full well her friend was a psycho fan. /His shirt, and a nice looking ribbon. / said Jack showing her the mentioned ribbon. It was long and blue, and it was kept safe in one of her most secure places (her breast). As they talked, the little group reached the healing rooms. It was beautiful; there was no comparison to the sickening rooms if a hospital. Aragorn laid Tziganne in one of the tables and began taking the previous bandages. In contrast of his earlier revision, this time the ankle really looked red, and since Tziganne's skin was pale, it out looked more.

"The hobbits made this!?"

Jack and Tziganne didn't have to understand the language to understand the meaning. /yeah, it was Pippin/

"Pippin?"

/Yes, Pippin. / Aragorn nodded. It is amazing how people with different languages can have a normal conversation so easily.

/Ouch! /

"I'm terribly sorry" said Aragorn. 

/I'm in heaven/ said Tziganne, very happy to be here again.

"I must have tied too tight, does it hurts you?"

/Man, your hands are incredibly soft-Ouch! /

"Sorry"

Just in that moment Elrond entered followed by Glorfindel, who was looking positively happy since Tziganne wasn't paying him attention and Jack was too busy glaring at Elrond to pay attention to him.

'I was just informed of the events' said the half elf.

/I'm not impressed by your hospitality/ said Jack.

'Estel will bandage that ankle again' he said indicating his foster son 

/Oh, worry not, he will tend to it, but I cannot assure you Tzi won't be back in an hour/ said Jack.

'Shall we await them in the hall of fire?' asked Elrond, crooking his arm for Jack to take it. /all right I will go whenever you take me, but I hope it's your bed…/ Jack took gracefully *coughnotcough* Elrond's hand.

'I see you have improved your Sindarin' said Elrond, happy the girl understood his last phrases.

/I have no idea what you are talking about but I will nod anyway…/

And so, Jack left Tziganne in the confident hands of Aragorn…whether his hands were disinfected or not we do not want to know.

*Next day, next horrible day*

/Move on, I don't want to miss breakfast again/ said Tziganne pulling the bed covers.

/…Don't wanna…/ mumbled the pile of covers.

/C'mon! There's a great smell coming from the kitchens! I need Foo~d!/

/Alright… but you better wake up mum and dad… Mum has been tired lately… she had to read two books the other day in a single week for school and…/ Jack mumbled some more. 

/Jack, your parents are not here. We are in Middle Earth remember? /

/REALLY!?/ Jack jumped out of bed to take a look form her balcony. Yes! They really were! /Oh my god! We are in-/

/We had this conversation yesterday and we ARE NOT, repeating it today. /

/Sport spoiler/

/Get dress and move on/

/Have you realized they didn't give us shoes? /

/No, I just like to walk shoeless and didn't bother to search in my provided closet/

/Oh really? Funny, I always thought you hated wearing no shoes. Oh well, do you think we would find some if we check your closet, because they certainly forgot to give me some/

/I was being sarcastic Jack. /

/…Oh. / Jack opened the closet and found just dresses, not a single pair of pants, not even a short. /…what happened to our clothes anyway? /

/I don't know, I think they burned them because they though they were indecent/

/They haven't seen my sister's clothes then…/ said Jack while she fought with the sleeves of a dark blue dress.

*sighs* /I fell so naked without my own clothes…/

/Does that mean you would rather be naked? / asked Tziganne.

/If it impresses Elladan and Elrohir, then yes/

/The twins? What happened to Legolas? I though you said you loved him? Don't tell me, it's for his hair-/

Jack wailed a little more and Tziganne didn't try to stop her. Some things were just fun to watch. Like those car accidents. Oh yeah, funny they are.

*Some time later, and certainly long after breakfast*

/It is incredibly the hastiness in which people can take you out of your good mood by just crossing your way don't you think? Said Jack clearly upset.

Pippin had created more problems in Rivendell than Lord Elrond might have had to face in all his elven life. In one of his escapes from Glorfindel, or the twins or the maids, or whoever he had angered, he ran into Jack and hide under her dress. Jack didn't stop him because for her, dresses were out of fashion and therefore no more considered clothes, and so, it was no different form hiding behind her legs. Besides it was kinda cute and funny.

To the Twins, however, it seemed it was a great matter.

Elladan turned around and managed to compose himself to greet Jack, but when Elrohir saw the hobbit feet coming out form under the dress he shrieked. soon, it all become a large fight between Pippin, who was desperately trying to get a good hold of the clothes and of Jack's leg, and the twins who frantically were trying to tear Pippin away, look at anywhere but Jack's legs and not blush, the three action at the same time. Finally out of desperation, Elladan, always the impatient one, took out his knife with the intention of ripping apart the part of the dress Pippin was holding to, but as soon as Jack saw the knife she shrieked, and tried desperately to get away from the twins with a hobbit still clung to her good leg. Elrohir tried to reassure her they were meaning no harm to her, and attempted to hold her steady by the waist when Elladan, still grabbing the knife, managed to trip with one of Pippin's feet, bumped into Elrohir, who then bumped into Jack, who lost balance and fallen on the nearby stairs along with the twins and the hobbit. Tziganne was about to comment in the absurdity of the nearby stairs when she noticed Lord Elrond himself was in the base of said stairs. Probably al the grunting sounds they made in their fall, plus a strange ripping sound, have alerted the Lord that something else was amiss in his house, again.

Pippin untangled himself from the mess of limbs and prepared to escape again when the hand of the older twin stopped him. Elrond no doubt planned on questioning his older first when he noticed his other son. 'Elrohir! I thought we have talked about this before? Whatever possessed you to do this?!'

Elrohir was still above Jack and his arm was still clutching possessively her waist, no doubt his father though… _couldn't someone make an innocent deed nowadays?! _He thought angrily. 'It is not what it seems father' he said.

'Then why haven't you released our guest yet?' replied Elrond. _I was just catching my breath! _Thought Elrohir as he lifted himself from Jack (who, for the record, hadn't complained for the slight pressure above her) before helping her stand. And that's when all her dress went down, apparently Elladan's knife was sharper than it look.

Elrond gasped and turned away immediately, Pippin stared at Jack without shame, at least until Elladan had the sense to cover the hobbit's eyes while he himself looked at another direction; the only one who was naïve enough to not go away was Elrohir. Who was fumbling with the straps of what remained of Jack's dress to make them look like a dress again. Jack's left arm was holding the straps up to her breast to cover herself while her other harm was busy slapping Elrohir's hands away from her. One thing was to desire all dresses destroyed. Another very different was to see them destroyed when you were wearing them, fall some stairs (which mean more brushes) and then appear almost naked in front of the Lord of the city.

Elrohir, more than embarrassed by now. (since more people than just Tziganne and Elrond had noticed the incident) bowed to Jack, took his own cloak off and offered apologetically to Jack, who in turn glared at him, snatched the cloak off him and tried to put it on as fast as she could, this time all present looked at another direction while she adjusted it to her frame, Elladan explained what have truly happened to his father and that in truth is wasn't Elrohir's fault, but Pippin's; said hobbit, once he saw another chance to escape, retreated away from Elladan, he was almost out of reach when the elf noticed him and made a dash for him. Pippin, being a small hobbit, had no opportunity to avoid the elf tackling him and yelped in pain. Whoever said the elves were light as feathers lied to him.

Jack, always the defender of lost causes, yelled at Elladan to let the hobbit go, hit Elladan a couple of times in his arm, carried Pippin the same way one carries little children, and after sending a dirty look at the presently confused elves, walked away with her friend muttering /hobbits are people too you idiots…/ whatever that could mean.

/Stupid males…/ muttered Jack while she checked Pippin had no serious injuries, /who do they think they are to threat a poor child this way?!/

/Er… umh… Jack? You do realize Pippin is _not_ a child, don't you? / Tziganne asked her friend tentatively, Pippin was in hobbit's account, older than them for all she knows. Jack frowned at her. /don't be silly, Pippin is Pippin, and Elladan was mistreating him, you do not do that to small children! /

/yes, I know, but Pippin is NOT a kid… are you even listening to me? …come back here! Don't leave speaking to myself! / Jack stopped impatiently, waiting for her friend to finish her tirade. 

/Are you done now? I have to change you know; just look at this! They destroyed my dress! My beautiful dress! / cried jack, holding pieces of what have been the sleeve. With her left hand she carried Pippin.

/But I thought you said you didn't like it …/ said Tziganne, looking with scrutiny at her friend's face, right now Jack looked distressed, angry, hurt and… _where those tears in her eyes?!_ /Wait… are your hormones currently, right, Jack? /

/You just don't understand do you?!/ cried Jack. 

/Understand what? / asked the black haired girl, but the only thing Jack did was yell at her more. /What? WHAT?! Everything! Everything's wrong! The air, the earth, even this damn dress is wrong! / And with that she ran (to an undetermined location) crying and hugging poor Pippin for as she was worth.

/…well that was weird. / said Tziganne.

The sun had gone by the time Tziganne decided to go in search of Jack. _It must have been her crazy hormones,_ decided Tzi. Jack was normally crazy, all around freak, but this was even beyond her standards…most of the time.

But to her surprise, Jack wasn't in her room crying, as Tziganne supposed she would be, she wasn't in the gardens either, and dinner wouldn't take place until an hour or so.

She was about to go back to her room and wait until dinner to find her friend when she heard her laughing. She ran to the direction of the sound and turned a corner only to find Jack, happily by the arm of a sturdy, tall, but rather handsome rider. _Boromir?!_

The new identified man known as Boromir had Jack by his left arm, while his right was occupied by Pippin, who had embraced the man by his neck; Boromir's shield, surprisingly, was being carried by Jack herself. All in all, they looked like a perfect, happy, and disturbing family.

Seeing her friend was not going to go away soon, she left her to her craziness… _is that giggling I hear?!_

TBC…

(Ooopsss….) BTW, this chapter has an interminable amount of mistakes, every time I tried to check the spelling I found at least five new mistakes, so I expect to have a few… er… twenty something or so mistakes… -_-;


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